No pain, no gain.....

Sometimes when you feel pain, its hard to identify exactly where the true source of the pain is coming from....

That's how I feel this week.

Just as some general background, its been a tough start to the year. I've attended two funerals, had to cancel vacation because of work, helped pack two of my best friends off to new cities. My workplace has added 3 new "Chief Officers", no new "Indians", and a ton of new well-intentioned but misguided "projects"....the official description of the company environment at the recent board meeting was "challenged." God bless corporate understatement. The three most common "break time" activities are smoking (in a mostly non-smoking company), declarations of intention to quit, and sobbing in the bathroom. Okay, I am overcompensating for the previous understatement, but I'm exaggerating less than you may think. Its not a happy place.

Thank you, god, for giving me the oasis of pool.

However, I am less grateful for the tendonitis in my shoulder.

Over the last month or so, I was actually proud of myself for keeping my post-work practice sessions short (I sometimes get so absorbed, I spend way more time and money than I intend to). But now looking back, I wonder if I was keeping them short because they were painful. Its not hard to believe that I ignore anything that might suggest that I couldn't play whenever or for however long I wanted to.

It turns out that a change in my office space, and a less ergonomic desk configuration has been putting a lot of stress on my wrists and shoulders. It seemed kind of normal, with everything being so stressful, I didn't think much of the tension and periodic pain I was feeling.

For the last month, I have been really looking forward to returning to 8-ball league. Its the spring session. I love that intense end-of-year competition to qualify. I've been feeling good about my game, and I'm playing on a new night with a slightly revised roster which means I would be slated to play more upper level players than in past seasons. But, after the first week the shoulder pain was noticeable. I lost 0-4. I actually played okay, but I felt like I got my butt kicked. My 8-ball instincts were pretty rusty. I assumed both the sting of the loss and the pain in my shoulder would fade. I'd be ready for next week.

Then the updated roster was posted, and low and behold, despite my rather spectacular loss, I've gone up a skill level.

The league operator, who after seeing me play once a year ago has taken it upon himself to raise my skill level. Not because I'm a sandbagger. Not because others in the league are complaining. Not because the software told him so, but because he thinks the challenge will be good for me. As a result, I will likely be benched for the season. Our team is too top heavy to be able to play me regularly. Maybe its a blessing in disguise, with my shoulder and all....But what a time to lose my oasis. (Because the LO didn't give me any advance notice its too late to get on another team.)

I'm not happy about this. Probably more upset than I should be...I don't mind being a higher skill level, but I can't help but feel like I've cheated out of that moment of feeling like I've earned it. I wanted to play lights out one night, and then the next week everyone say, "Well, I'm not surprised."

Here are some of the reactions over the last week:

Random league person (RLP) #1: "Wow, Pool Minnow, you're a what now? Wow, who did you beat?"
Me: "Uh, no one. I lost 0-4"
RLP #!: "Huh. Congratulations, I guess?"

RLP #2:"How the F$#% are you a? No offense..."
PM: None taken. (I lied)

RLP #3: "Wow. What did you do to the League Operator?"
PM: "Pay my dues on time."
RLP #3: "That will teach you. NEVER do that."

And so on, with a range from reactions from "WTF?" to "you have your moments and you got potential, kid, but no offense, you ain't there yet", there was a consensus that I am now an overrated player. And the league is pretty much baffled by the league operator's behavior. In a league that has a ton of underrated players, he chose to raise 3 people, I was one.

I had a fair amount of email correspondence with the LO that I won't go into, but he doesn't seem to know his customers very well. He has some interesting ideas about why people do what they do. He's very well meaning. But, he's very green.

So, despite this moment being humbling instead of triumphant, the thing that really bothers me about the LO's actions, is I think he's, well, meddling. Sure he's the LO. He can set people's skill level to whatever he wants. But, in my mind, the whole point of a handicap system is to be fair. The LO should only step in when its clear the system is failing to accurately capture someone's skill, either because of imperfections in the system or because its being intentionally evaded. But the decision to move up a player for the purpose of challenging them, is a decision that should be made by a player, not the LO. But, since the current LO clearly sees things differently, I hope that he will bestow such kindness on the many much more talented players in the league so we can restore fairness.

I realize that a year from now this will all seem silly, and I will be rather embarrassed that I ranted so. (I try to avoid ranting to much in my blog, for that reason, and its hard to stick to only the essence of things without just spewing. Besides leagues have a way of sucking you into junior high drama over nothing) But right now, I'm mad. I promise, I'll come back with a more balanced, silver lining perspective in a week or so.

And, if it weren't for the fact that I've already spent more time on the computer than I should, I would rewrite this to try to tie together the themes of challenge, pain and gain, and when its all worth it...

But, there's no gain, in the shoulder pain, so you'll just have to imagine it yourself.

Its still a gentleman's sport: all profanity is submerged.

I may be the last person in the world to see this, but I figured if I posted it, I might find at least one or two other people who haven't seen it either. A more serious post is in the works, but in the meantime, remember, you may not be able to choose your family, but at least you can choose where to play pool.

Now that everyone has lost interest, I can secretly begin blogging again

Well, sort of. From the depths of time, will soon, emerge some new posts. Please stand by.

Its a little pathetic that I didn't even finish blogging about APA Nationals. And I'm torn between doing a quick update or actually taking the time to do a proper narrative. I know that no one out there really cares, but as the real purpose of this blog is to record my own journey, I'd kind of like to take the time to do it right.

But, for the record I will bore you with a brief update on what's happened in the past month, just in case I never get around to writing more:
* I played well in the APA 8-ballTeam Nationals, and my team finished 129th out of 712. Much better than I expected.
* Even though I played A LOT of pool in Vegas, I came back fired up to play more and more....but after the adrenaline wore off in a week, I was ready for a break, but previous commitments meant no rest for the pool-weary.
* US Amateur Preliminary was next. I went two and BBQ, but I was happy with how I played in my first match, especially given that I really didn't feel like playing.
* I opted out of playing in the West Coast Women's Regional 9-ball tour because I really needed a weekend off.
* Traveled 5 and a half hours to Bakersfield, to play in the APA Singles Regional Tournament and was undefeated until the semi-finals in both 8-ball & 9-ball. I now officially hate the Single Modified format (although it did help me get home at a decent hour on Sunday).
* After not qualifying for Singles Nationals, I immediately texted my 8-ball captain and told him I was taking the session off. I planned to do the same for 9-ball, but made the mistake of trying to tell him in person, and I chickened out. I'm only a part-time player for 9-ball, so I still feel like I have a lot more freedom. Woohoo!
* When I started this blog several ago, it was about becoming a better player, but it was also about getting to Vegas. Along the way, my perspective has broadened quite a bit and I have other goals, but something about getting that checked off my list...its oddly freeing. It really feels like I've reached a milestone, and I'm not sure what's next.

On another note, in the past, I have gone out of my way to avoid or even change telling details in my blog so that I could be sure to remain anonymous.
(I know its a little strange to want to be public through a blog, but still expect to remain private, but I have my reasons).

Well after these years of blogging, I've decided the effort to conceal and deflect is more trouble than its worth, and that I'd rather just not worry about it. I won't be posting my name or photo, as I'm not really interested in being a known blogger, but not really bothered if you're curious to know who I am and figure it out. If as a result of this new policy, you realize that you know me and think that you read something about you that offends you slightly, I offer two interpretations: 1) I'm not talking about you, 2) you deserved it. If you're not okay with interpretation #2, my preference is that you choose to believe interpretation #1. After all, its just a blog :-)